Engagement – not the “put a ring on it” kind, I am talking about the E of “A.R.R.E. You There for Me?”. Engagement is a pillar of connected and easier relationships. It is what helps us Tall Babies feel another has our back and is there for us.
The key is engaging in what is valued for each member of the relationships vs. attempting engagement that is not as valued. When we engage where it is not valued, our attempts can go unnoticed or even make one feel unheard or unseen. Are you investing time and energy engaging in an area your partner does not value, therefore your investment is getting little return? I wonder how your partner would answer that question… It is essential to take time to explore and discover your personal areas of valued engagement. Next it is important to seek the same information from your partner- where does s/he value your investment?
Here’s an example: Some value sharing Sunday football with their partner, engagement in this activity together is highly valued, while in another couple one may value engaging in this activity alone or with friends, while his/her partner goes off to engage in an activity of their liking. Find out what is most important to your partner, and partners be honest – we must design “A.R.R.E You There for Me?” specific to our relationships. Nobody has the right answer but you.
For simple but thought provoking questions to determine engagement, check out part 3 of the workbook “Connection Strategies for Every Relationship: Relationship Know-How”.