Some are helicopters…
Some are turtles…
Some appear to be asleep…
Some are little, eager puppies…
Some are juuuust right.
How responsive is your partner?
How responsive are you?
How is it working for you?
Remember: Responsiveness builds Trust, Assurance, Boundaries and (emotional) Safety — so where do you want to invest and be invested in when it comes to the degree of responsiveness in your relationship?
Responsiveness speaks to how well our partners respond to our needs in addition to how we are able to respond to our partner’s needs. One’s responsiveness can ebb and flow depending on the chapter of the relationship, external demands as well as our own individual lives. The key to creating change in relationships is to be aware, specific and examining ourselves as much, if not more, than we examine our partners.
Listen, we can not make a turtle (sllllow to respond) into a little, eager puppy (highly responsive) but we can sit at The Relationship Table and try to meet in the middle between what you need and what your partner’s natural tendency is. The trick is to drill down to where you need responsiveness the most – if we seek to totally revamp our partners natural tendency we may find we are still in the relationship rut.
So where specifically do you need more responsiveness? Here are some ideas to broach change requests:
- Would you be willing to respond more to our children’s homework by__________________.
- Would you be willing to respond to my physical affection by __________________.
- Would you be willing to respond to my stress about finances by _______________.
- It was so helpful when you ____________ in response to my job interview.
- It was so helpful when you_____________in response to my bad news.
- It was so helpful when you_____________in response to my fears.
Think of umbrella topics, far reaching major areas you need responsiveness the most:
Consider this too: If you think you are super responsive (eager puppy) to your partner but s/he doesn’t think so…maybe you aren’t responsive to where s/he needs responsiveness the most. Don’t waste time and energy – instead find out where s/he needs responsiveness the most! Don’t be an eager puppy if s/he just needs a turtle… Don’t be a turtle when an eager puppy is what s/he needs most!
Remember: Responsiveness builds Trust, Assurance, Boundaries and (emotional) Safety — so where do you want to invest and be invested in regarding responsiveness?
Be sure to get the workbook “Connection Strategies for Every Relationship: Relationship Know-How”.