Like I predicted in my last video – I FINISHED MY FIRST BOOK! And it is alllll about YOU!
In the process of getting the book done, I couldn’t help but see and feel the impact of T.A.B.S. I truly believe T.A.B.S. is in everything we do as human, whether it is in relationships with people, places (like work, church, the community, the election –oh, boy!) or things (like the process of writing a book, preparing for a new baby, planning a wedding, moving across the country). Here’s how T.A.B.S. showed up in getting my first book on paper and out to YOU! But please read this as an example to learn how T.A.B.S. is within all the people, places and things we have a relationship with. Trust me, writing a book was a relationship of sorts: ups and downs, infatuation, frustration, contentment and accomplishment. So this example is for YOU and about YOU, to serve YOU and your relationships – it’s not really about writing a book, just like when you argue about the socks on the floor, it’s not really about the socks- it’s really about T.A.B.S.
The writing and publishing team I chose to work with is comprised of professionals who are accessible, reliable, responsive and engaged. I judged the quality of our upcoming “transactions” and interactions based on these 4 essential components of building trust in our relationship.
Because my team is trustworthy, they often seemed to speak my language in terms of providing assurance – it was both natural and asked for. I felt safe to ask for what I needed in all areas including my mini meltdowns when I did not think I could actually write the book. Writer’s block is a block I know all too well and my team provided me assurance both organically and when I sought their support.
This was a HUGE win in the process. It was clear I worked best under two significant boundaries. Have you ever fatigued, burned out or despised a person, place or thing? Check your boundaries. Here are the boundaries that got me through the book writing process.
- If I was just “not feelin’ it” when a writing task was in my calendar, I gave myself 20 minutes to see if I could get in the groove… if at 21 minutes writing felt pushing a string up hill I simply gave myself permission to try another time. It was important that I planned well and wasn’t cramming toward the deadline in order for this boundary to be viable. Again, it was trusting myself and my team to make this work well.
- I only worked in two hour chunks of time. This boundary kept me from fatiguing, burning out and frankly, from despising the process. It maintain how I wanted to feel getting this book done: I wanted ease, contentment and connection. I didn’t want to lose all the good “ju-ju” in other facets of my life and I didn’t thanks to my boundaries.
Emotional safety was key in the process of writing this book. It is vulnerable to shout from the mountain tops “HEY!! I know what I am talking about and I am putting it in print forever, and ever and ever…” Have you ever wondered if you had what it took to follow through?
The vulnerability around the process extended beyond the declaration. The vulnerability showed up when I felt I couldn’t get it right and when I wasn’t sure how to move through impasses. My logical brain told me I am capable while my emotional brain outweighed the logic from time to time. However, at the end of the day, I have the strategies to tap into my own innate safety (calming and clarity strategies). I also I knew how to access my team, with who I feel safe with, to recalibrate me and balance my emotional brain and logical brain.
We have the opportunity to practice, apply and enrich experiences through the T.A.B.S. lens. We truly have this simple (well, not always so simple) system to weigh the quality of relationships and what we need more of to improve our relationship with people, places and things. The trick is to access each element of T.A.B.S. for you and within you before you turn toward another expecting the same.
Be watching for more about the book that will be available in Spring of 2017. Book 2 and 3 to follow.
Like I said in the video, I am out of the office! It’s gorgeous here!