I call it “ing-ing”, the ultimate actions to keep us distracted, supposedly calmed and often times checked out from our best self. Here are just a few. Notice your go-to “ing”?
- Shopping
- Working
- Cleaning
- Organizing
- Facebooking
- Raging
- Eating
- Drinking
- Drugging
- Planning
- Performing
- Proving
- Perfecting
- Go-go-going
We “ing” to soothe, create more noise and distraction from what is authentically happening in us and around us. Listen, I get it. Relationships can be hard, being human can be hard. But I think we are making it harder on ourselves at times (all the time?). I know I am guilty of it too.
Consider this:
1. What parts of you hold shame that you hide from others?
What parts of you do you walk around in your life hiding, hoping no one sees or knows about you?
2. How are you keeping yourself and others blinded from these parts?
What behaviors or habits do you employ so this part stays hidden? What actions (“ings”) are your go-to behavior to “soothe” you when hiding your parts becomes difficult or stressful?
Here is where the expert encourages you to replace the habit, love yourself fully or what have you. While I am tempted to tow that party line and tell you to love yourself, the truth is the questions above could take you a while to fully understand, answer and come to terms with. If you answer these questions calmly, tap into your heart/gut and your initial heart/gut reaction, you are likely on the right path.
Why does examining these questions matter to connection? Because the noise, the distraction of “ings” keep you from your best self and from the connection we all long for.
Raise your hand if you’d like relationships to be more connected & easier! Download PART ONE of the free workbook, Connection Strategies for Every Relationship.