For weeks now I have been on my soapbox trying to get y’all to practice being calm so you can be more connected and have easier relationships. My strategies suggesting “Doing Nothing” or slowing down are not supported by our go-go-go culture. The demands my clients share with me behind closed doors floor me. I mean, I get it, I live in this culture too and struggle to do nothing or slow down. Everything I write about, teach and preach are a struggle of mine too. When I attempt to do nothing or slow down and simply focus on the task at hand- I am often confronted with some pretty uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. There always seems to be SOMETHING I could use my time for, to be more effective in my upcoming plans, to get to bigger tasks that “always” hang over my head (I have been wanting to clean out my garage for YEARS!).
Guilt is probably the number one emotion that surfaces when I attempt to do nothing or slow down. Next come the thoughts – ugh! “I should___________” is the most predominant thought that surfaces. Even as I write this blog entry I am wondering if emptying the dishwasher would be a better use of my time (Sheesh! I don’t even really care about the dishes, it seems to be a battle of efficient use of time). Once I refocus on the writing, parts of my mind work to convince the “dishwasher thinking parts” that writing is in fact the best use of my time. UGH! Double UGH! It is a war up in my head and I am the only person who can make a change. Once the emotions and thoughts start their race, which feels like both a sprint and marathon, the physical sensations become noticeable.
In this moment I am sitting in my comfy home, on my couch I refer to as “The Nest”, I have coffee poured, candles lit, there is a chilly and cloudy day outside the window and yet I notice that physically I am not calm, I am slightly agitated and ill at ease. What the heck? My logical self does not get this but it is real. This is perfectionism’s ugly little self messing with my wonderful calm and connection.
So this week, your relationship strategy is a thinking person’s strategy: In what ways do you allow perfectionism such as uber efficiency to steal your calm. What emotions, thoughts and physical sensations do you notice when calm has been stolen by perfectionism? Take back your calm!
Raise your hand if you’d like relationships to be more connected & easier! Download PART ONE of the free workbook, Connection Strategies for Every Relationship.