It is essential we give ourselves quality and quiet alone time even if you only have one minute. I know there doesn’t seem to be time but I am telling you it is essential and here is why. In order to be in connected and easier relationships we must experience quality and quiet time with ourselves. We must be able to balance dependence on self and dependence on others. We can not fully be our best selves without experiencing ourselves, hearing our own thoughts and checking with our own “gut” feelings (sometimes I refer to this as our heart feelings and soul feelings). Slowing down to check in with what my heart feels is far more connecting than asking myself what I think. Thinking is overrated ; )
After working with hundreds of clients behind closed doors I have found that too many of us rely on external means to be soothed, increase emotional safety OR distract us from our internal emotional experience (See last week’s video “What’s Your -Ing?”). Without experience in accessing ourselves we rely too heavily on others, our spouse, friends and even our children to soothe and provide feedback. The trick here is to learn WE are going to be our BEST caregiver, allowing us optimal calm which allows us to “show up” to our partner, our children and the community more complete and able to connect authentically — this will further our calm and connection.
So, quality and quiet alone time is this week’s relationship strategy. It can be simple. Set a timer for at least one minute and do nothing but hear yourself, check in with your senses and breathe. We must challenge our resistance to improving our relationship with our calm, quiet selves.
Raise your hand if you’d like relationships to be more connected & easier! Download PART ONE of the free workbook, Connection Strategies for Every Relationship.